People must learn to cope with and work through very challenging life experiences. People who remain calm in the face of disaster, have what psychologists call resilience. Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties.
People face all kinds of adversity in life. There are personal crises such as illness, loss of a loved one, abuse, bullying, job loss, medical disasters, divorce and financial instability. There is the shared reality of tragic events in the news such as terrorist attacks, mass shootings, natural disasters and, of course, the COVID 19 pandemic.
Resilient people can utilise their skills and strengths to cope and recover from problems and challenges. Instead of falling into despair or hiding from problems with unhealthy coping strategies, resilient people face life’s difficulties head-on.
This does not mean that they experience less distress, grief or anxiety than other people. It means that they use healthy coping mechanisms to handle such difficulties in ways that foster strength and growth. In many cases, they may emerge even stronger than they were before.
Those who lack this resilience, may instead become overwhelmed by such experiences. They may dwell on problems and use unhelpful coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges.
Building resilience
While individuals process trauma and adversity in different ways, there are certain protective factors that help build resilience by improving coping skills and adaptability. These factors include:
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- Social support: Research published in 2015 in the journal Ecology and Society showed that social systems that provide support in times of crisis or trauma support resilience in the individual. Social support can include the immediate or extended family, community, friends and organisations.
- Realistic planning: The ability to make and carry out realistic plans helps individuals play to their strengths and focus on achievable goals.
- Self-esteem: A positive sense of self-esteem and confidence in one’s strengths can stave off feelings of helplessness when confronted with adversity.
- Locus of control:
- Internal – meaning that an individual perceives that they are in control of what happens to them.
- External – meaning that an individual attributes all that happens to them to external factors.
An internal locus of control is tied to greater resilience.
- Coping skills: Coping and problem-solving skills help empower a person who must work through adversity and overcome hardship. Those are people who view themselves as fighters rather than victims.
- Self-awareness: Know your strengths and weaknesses and how to put internal resources to work.
- Optimism: When the going gets tough, believe in your ability to handle it.
- Communication skills: Being able to communicate clearly and effectively helps people seek support, mobilise resources and take action.
- Self-care: Make your mental, emotional and physical health top priorities.
- Emotional regulation: The capacity to manage potentially overwhelming emotions (or seek assistance to work through them) helps people maintain focus when overcoming a challenge.
The good news is that resilience can be learned. For example, people can build up social support networks or learn to reframe negative thoughts. Learning to be resilient doesn’t mean figuring out how to ‘grin and bear it’ or to simply ‘get over it’. It’s not about learning to avoid obstacles or resisting change. Building resilience is a process by which people utilise flexibility to reframe thought patterns and learn to tap into their strengths to work through obstacles.
Top tips to improve resilience
If you’d like to become more resilient, consider these tips:
- Get connected: Building strong, positive relationships with loved ones and friends can provide you with the needed support and acceptance in good and bad times.
- Make every day meaningful: Do something that gives you a sense of accomplishment and purpose every day. Set goals to help you look towards the future with meaning.
- Learn from experience: Think of how you have coped with hardships in the past. Consider the skills and strategies that helped you through difficult times. You might even write about past experiences in a journal to help you identify positive and negative behaviour patterns — and guide your future behaviour.
- Remain hopeful: You can’t change the past, but you can always look towards the future. Accepting and even anticipating change makes it easier to adapt and view new challenges with less anxiety.
- Take care of yourself: Tend to your own needs and feelings. Participate in activities and hobbies you enjoy. Include physical activity in your daily routine. Get plenty of sleep. Eat a healthy diet. Practise stress management and relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, guided imagery, deep breathing or prayer.
- Be proactive: Don’t ignore your problems. Instead, figure out what needs to be done, make a plan and take action. Although it can take time to recover from a major setback, traumatic event or loss, know that your situation can improve if you work on it.
Summary
The practices above can help you cope with difficulties when they arise, but also prepare you for challenges in the future. With enough practice, you’ll have a toolbox of techniques that come naturally – a rainy-day fund for the mind that will help keep you afloat when times get tough. Just knowing that you’ve built up your skills of resilience can be a great comfort, and even a happiness booster. The important thing is to remember you’re not alone on the journey. While you may not be able to control all your circumstances, you can grow by focusing on the aspects of life’s challenges you can manage with the support of loved ones and trusted trained professionals.
References
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_science_backed_strategies_to_build_resilience
https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/resilience.htm
https://www.verywellmind.com/ways-to-become-more-resilient-2795063
